Everything takes energy,
Not just what you can see.
The things that happen underneath,
They take it out of me.
The blood that pumps under my skin,
My lungs that fill with air.
It takes tremendous effort,
Doesn't quite feel fair.
Every thought that swirls inside,
Every feeling too.
They all cost me in the end,
Do you believe that's true?
I will pay for writing this,
My symptoms they will surge.
Poison infiltrates my cells,
My body tries to purge.
A simple thought is all it takes,
It seems unreal I know.
I don't know how to make you see,
There's nothing I can show.
I feel like I've been running,
Though I spend my life in bed.
Can't linger on how that makes me feel,
All I'll see is red.
I'll feel worse for feeling that,
Joy it is the same.
Existing is exhausting me,
Fed up of playing this game.
My pain is spiking, all I want,
Is some form of distraction.
To sink into a hobby,
But I'll be punished for my passion.
I seem composed and quiet,
It isn't by my choice.
But symptoms flare and pains increase,
Each time I use my voice.
Lots of things I care about,
I wish I could do more.
Instead I have to shrink myself,
As I lie here on the floor.
You think I'm doing nothing,
If only you could tell.
Everything that's happening,
Underneath this shell.
